Sandra Colhando:
Despite the real estate industry being hit hard during the Covid lockdowns, I admired the resilience you displayed during those challenging two years. As a leader, you managed to maintain a sense of equilibrium and avoid panicking or freaking out. What strategies did you use to handle the uncertainty and high stakes during that time?

Karan Virwani:
As a naturally optimistic person, I maintained a positive attitude as a leader during the challenging times of the pandemic. I also focused on the vision and value of the company to keep morale high, and surrounded myself with supportive people. Investing in self-improvement through sessions also provided reassurance during lonely times as an entrepreneur.

Karan’s take on “Loneliness At The Top”

Sandra Colhando:
How would you address loneliness at the top?

Karan Virwani:
I don’t think that’s true. You know, to a large extent there are obviously moments like everyone has, whether you’re on top or like somewhere else where you’re kind of either doubting yourself, your skill set like what you’re doing and all of that, I think everyone kind of goes through that, you know, journey, but I think that when if you are able to grow to the top in the right way with the right mentality and kind of bring and take people along. It’s not that lonely, it’s a lot of fun. It’s a really, really fun place to be and you know like honor to privilege to have that opportunity to be in that spot. So I don’t I don’t necessarily agree with the lonely at the top version. Obviously there are problems and you know challenges that you have to deal with on your own, which might be of a different magnitude maybe than someone else who’s you know just worried about a function or one part of the business and you have to kind of worry about the entire thing.

But I think that it’s a lot of fun at the top and if you brought the right people with you, it’s even more fun.

Sandra Colhando:
As a leader who has been coached, can you walk us through how you first got introduced to coaching and what was going through your mind at the time?

Rakesh Negi:
Interesting one and frankly I didn’t know about coaching at all. It was some six years back when I was working on my work desk and my CEO tapped on my shoulder and said, let’s talk, that’s the first time he said “As an organisation, for your development, we’re going to assign you coaching and assign you up with the coach.”

I wasn’t sure what this is because as a person, I’ve always seen myself as somebody who makes a difference quickly and always in the top of the working cadre, it was almost like a bomb was dropped on me. Do I need coaching, that’s the question that came into my mind. And maybe because my CEO was very well aware, he saw that big question mark on my face and he started explaining how and what is going to be the entire concept and how is it going to help me? I’m glad that I had that kind of unflinching trust on him that I went ahead in the journey and of course after that it was my coach, which is you in this case, which helped me give me that confidence and I was able to carry on with the journey.

Sandra:
One myth about coaching is the belief that being coached means you’re not doing well enough. This is not the case, as coaching is an expensive intervention that organizations invest in for high potential individuals they want to grow within the organization.

Rakesh Negi:
In fact, I would say in the first two sessions only I was able to clearly see in my mind that there are not one, not two, but three forces working for my development one definitely organisation, one my CEO and one of course my coach, all I need to do is just plunge into this and just run with this journey.

Sandra Colhando:
As a leader who has been coached, can you walk us through how you first got introduced to coaching and what was going through your mind at the time?

Rakesh Negi:
Interesting one and frankly I didn’t know about coaching at all. It was some six years back when I was working on my work desk and my CEO tapped on my shoulder and said, let’s talk, that’s the first time he said “As an organisation, for your development, we’re going to assign you coaching and assign you up with the coach.”

I wasn’t sure what this is because as a person, I’ve always seen myself as somebody who makes a difference quickly and always in the top of the working cadre, it was almost like a bomb was dropped on me. Do I need coaching, that’s the question that came into my mind. And maybe because my CEO was very well aware, he saw that big question mark on my face and he started explaining how and what is going to be the entire concept and how is it going to help me? I’m glad that I had that kind of unflinching trust on him that I went ahead in the journey and of course after that it was my coach, which is you in this case, which helped me give me that confidence and I was able to carry on with the journey

Sandra:
One myth about coaching is the belief that being coached means you’re not doing well enough. This is not the case, as coaching is an expensive intervention that organizations invest in for high potential individuals they want to grow within the organization.

Rakesh Negi:
In fact, I would say in the first two sessions only I was able to clearly see in my mind that there are not one, not two, but three forces working for my development one definitely organisation, one my CEO and one of course my coach, all I need to do is just plunge into this and just run with this journey.

Rakesh Negi:
I wanted to avoid being remembered as a ‘reluctant’ leader, which made me realize that I lacked confidence and was not claiming my own space. Coaching has been the greatest gift I’ve ever received, helping me both professionally and personally. It has been a realization on both sides, making it the best gift.

Sandra Colhando:
This may be a rhetorical question. Does coaching actually work? Did you feel coaching and able to bring some real shifts and not just real shifts, but sustained change in your life?

Rakesh Negi:
I wanted to do philanthropy in my hometown, but never acted on it until my coach helped me set a goal. I was able to accomplish it before turning 40 and it continues to bring me happiness. Coaching also heightened my self-awareness, allowing me to recognize and correct my mistakes. This led me to seek coaching again, and the second time was even more successful since I was already aware of the journey

Sandra Colhando:
I connect with the idea that everyone needs a coach at different times for different situations. I’ve had coaches in different phases of my life and I believe even the best athletes need coaches. I personally need help wherever it’s required and having an external, non-judgmental perspective can be invaluable.

I had an Aha moment that changed my whole perspective on silence. I grew up believing silence is golden, but a mentor and coach, Dr. Prabhakar Kamath, taught me that silence can be hurtful. This one statement shook me and made me realize that staying silent can actually do more harm than good. Now, I remind myself to speak up when it’s necessary, even if it means supporting someone at the cost of my relationship with another person.

Rakesh Negi:
Taking ownership of your own situation is important, and during our discussions, I learned how to separate a person’s behavior from who they are. It’s essential to talk openly with them and manage conflicts positively.

Sandra Colhando:
How can organisations or leaders create an environment for coaches to succeed?

Rakesh Negi:
To ensure a successful coaching intervention, the sponsor must clearly articulate the goals and objectives. Additionally, it’s important to have a mirror, either the coachee or someone within the organization, to ensure progress is being made. It’s crucial to dispel any myths about coaching, such as it being a precursor to termination, by openly discussing the purpose and benefits of coaching. This will ensure people understand that coaching is about personal growth and development.

Sandra:
That’s a great starting point. When the coachee understands that the intention is for their success and development, they can approach coaching conversations without anxiety or fear of failure. They can focus on the process, trusting that the environment will take care of the outcomes.

Sandra Colhando:
Is there a bad coach? With so many coaches out there and now, who are qualified and who may tick all the boxes – How does one go about picking the right coach for themselves?

Rakesh NegI:
As a coach, I don’t know if I’m the right person to answer this, but in my opinion, there’s no such thing as a bad husband or wife. There can be a bad marriage, but the starting point for any person seeking coaching is to be coachable and self-aware.

From my perspective, as long as a person is genuinely interested in their personal growth and development, they cannot be considered “bad”. As coaches, we are trained to work with all types of individuals and personalities. While some people may initially be resistant to coaching, it’s possible for them to become coachable at some point in their journey.

I often share an anecdote with my clients – forced change is only liked by an infant who has wet the nappy, otherwise, nobody likes forced change. It’s important to recognize that change is a process and individuals need to be open to it in order to truly benefit from coaching.

Sandra Colhando:
What are three cues to identify the right coach for yourself?

Rakesh Negi:
To find the right coach, it’s not about three things but more about the coach’s interest in your journey, which can be determined within 5 to 10 minutes of talking to them. It’s about seeing if the coach is willingly listening, interested in you, and running the journey with you, allowing for open communication.

Rakesh:
Dating and coaching are similar in that you can usually tell within the first 15-20 minutes if there is a connection. It’s more about the emotional connection and confidence you feel from the coach rather than their profile. Being intuitive works better than just looking at their profile.

Sandra Colhando:
When looking for a coach, it’s more important to focus on how you feel around them rather than their experience or profile. Ask yourself if you feel safe and comfortable with the coach and if you can have multiple conversations with them. Don’t limit yourself to coaches with the same experience as you, as coaching is about unlocking potential rather than finding a mentor. Look for a coach who can walk the journey with you, create a safe space for exploration, give honest feedback, and push you when needed.

Sandra Colhando:
What are the signs of successful coaching that one should look for?

Rakesh Negi:
Congratulations on reaching this point, now it’s time to trust the coaching process and your unique talents. A good coach will guide and challenge you, and it’s important to have someone you trust to hold you accountable and reflect your progress. This will help you get the most out of coaching and create positive change in your life.

Sandra Colhando: 
I’ve never met anyone unhappy with coaching. Having a trusted mirror can help people acknowledge and reflect on the changes they are making, especially when they want others to notice too.

Rakesh Negi:
I learned a technique from my coach about keeping anchors, and I still use it today. One of my anchors is a picture of a waltz dance that I keep. Another anchor is the phrase “that’s a beautiful story,” which reminds me how to use words effectively in conversations and negotiations. I even shared a time when I used this technique with my coach and received positive feedback.

Sandra:
Would you like to share with the larger group that wants an analogy, the story. What does waltz mean?

Rakesh: 
I wasn’t sure how to talk to a customer without offending them. The waltz analogy of taking one step forward and one step back was shared with me, and it’s a beautiful way to approach conversations. By giving and pulling back, the other person feels in control and it creates a positive dynamic. It takes two to tango, and this approach helps build trust and rapport with customers.

Sandra Colhando:
What are your thoughts on coaching through a tech platform, such as AI or picking a coach profile from a platform, and where can one find a coach if not through corporate sponsorship

Rakesh Negi:
Recently, a close friend who lost his job reached out to me for coaching. While Google can provide answers, I believe it’s important to find a coach who offers a human touch and emotional support. Bots and systems lack this important aspect. I suggest reaching out to your larger circle for a coach, as they can offer a more authentic and personal experience.

How Can Managers Become Coaches

Sandra Colhando:
Can managers be taught to become coaches, or are coaches different from mentors?

Rakesh Negi:
We need more coaches than managers in today’s talent world. Managers should focus on coaching their people rather than managing them. It’s doable and managers can be trained to become coaches. Coaching gives clarity of larger goals and allows talented individuals to know what needs to be done.

Sandra Colhando:
Mentoring and coaching are distinct from each other, and as a manager, it’s easier to mentor as you can guide from experience. Coaching requires time, patience, and a specific skill set, which can be challenging for managers who are busy with deadlines. However, both skills are important and have their timing. It’s crucial to have the necessary skill set for coaching.

Sandra Colhando:
Are external coaches preferred compared to Internal coaching in organization?

Rakesh Negi:
Both internal and external coaches can be effective, but the external coaches may have a slight edge because they are not as involved in the day-to-day work of the coachee.

Sandra Colhando:
Both internal and external coaches have their own space and importance. While internal coaches can cover more people who may not have access to external coaches, external coaches can provide a specific skill set, speed or a massive shift in a person or group of leaders. So, it’s a great combination between the two.

Francisci spoke about how struggle for self and social acceptance is a part of every teenager’s journey and they witnessed personally how magnified this struggle for acceptance is as a queer youth as they came out at an age of 15 years. They shared how majority of queer youth have contemplated or attempted suicide signaling the gravity of community’s exclusion and its painful consequences.

Francisco started the conversation with a positive affirmation for every person from the community who experiences the struggle – “We can do this. You can do this.”

A key moment in the conversation was an insightful question by Sandra – “From being told to not come out completely to being someone who understands others completely – how have you bridged that distance?” . As Francisco shared later in the conversation, “Compassion is our biggest superpower”